By Mickey Friedman
July 7, 2017
What I know about women’s fashion you can cram into a walnut. So, I’m probably not the best critic when it comes to evaluating what Ivanka Trump has to offer the women of the world.
But since she’s helping steer our ship of state, I thought I at least owed it to my millions of readers to check out what she wants American women to wear as we head for the iceberg.
Unlike the olden days when you took the subway and dealt with crazed crowds, I could peruse in peace Ivanka’s website to see what she’s selling at Macy’s, Bloomingdales, and Lord & Taylor.
Now that Ivanka’s paying through the nose for Jared’s growing legal fees, this seems a perfect time to buy. Because Ivanka’s got sales galore.
To me, walking in high heels is one of the great skills of modern life. These days even in hiking boots I’m close to tripping with every ten steps I take. And while I occasionally cringe, I applaud the brave women who, atop their precarious stilettos, glide fearlessly suspended several inches above the street.
For these pros, Ivanka offers quite the variety. The Hellan Ankle Tie Platform Wedge Sandals definitely caught my eye with their complex combination of whirligiggy-like laces, straps, tassels and an impressively 4.5″ high cork wedge heel. These Hellan’s have a Suede upper, synthetic lining, cork and rubber sole and, for those of you who adore the outdoors, it’s open toe. They come in Light Natural or Black.
Abigail Montgomery-Stinson-Crutchfield, who enthusiastically supported Ivanka’s Poppa and loves her Light Naturals a bit more than her Blacks, warns prospective customers to add a few minutes to their schedule. Because it’s not always easy getting your feet into these great Ivankas. And if you want to impress those dining with you at the Captain’s Table, you’ll need to get all these straps and tassels just right. They’re regularly $125.00, but thanks to Jared’s secret meetings with the Russians, you can snatch them up for $85.
I was thrilled to discover that Ivanka’s got exactly what the Republicans’ TrumpCare health care bill needs: heart, lots of heart. Obviously for Ivanka, bygones are obviously bygones. Exhibit Number One: the Ivanka Trump “Bernie.” Not just any shoe but a distinctive medium red savoy suede or textile upper with ankle-tie wrap closure. Which ships free. I’m sure Bernie is thrilled he’s got a shoe. At a Jared 30% off for $87.99.
Talk about big hearts. Just when Poppa Trump is barring Americans from travelling to Cuba, Ivanka launches her “Cuban Charm” offensive to remind us what we’re missing. Indeed, Ivanka explains she “turned to the vibrant streets of Havana to inspire our new jewelry collection. In a rich palette of cobalt blue and rose gold, the collection includes beaded accents, geometric shapes—and, of course, no shortage of smart solutions.”
Thanks to Ivanka, while you may not be able to walk the real streets of Havana this July, you’ll be able to wear her not really Cuban pieces “all summer long.” Like the Ivanka Trump Lapis Layered Pendant Necklace with “Cable linked chains” sixteen inches long with a three-inch extender with Lapis and China stone. A bargain at $68.
Along my digital way, I’ve learned to really appreciate Ivanka. And I have a feeling you can’t go wrong if you wear your new Ivanka necklace with an Ivanka Trump navy Hook and Eye Plackett Shell. Here are the exciting details: Ivanka’s Plackett Shell is a sleeveless polyester “flowy, asymmetrical hem shell” with a “split neckline.” It’s about twenty-four flowy inches from shoulder to hem.
Unfortunately, and it breaks my heart to admit this: there’s just one very small drawback. If you truly want to Make America Great Again and you believe in Jobs, Jobs, Jobs, and you occasionally like to chant: USA, USA, USA, you should know that what Ivanka is selling just isn’t from Here. Sadly it’s from There. Yup, it’s Imported.
I thought we were on a roll. Such a great idea: an American President’s daughter making clothes in America. Jewelry and shoes made in the U.S. of A.
At least, according to UK Guardian, Ivanka is treating them like foreigners: workers making Ivanka clothes in Subang, Indonesia are “being paid so little they cannot live with their children.” They’re paid one of the lowest minimum wages in Asia “and there are claims of impossibly high production targets and sporadically compensated overtime.” They deal with “anti-union intimidation” and women are “offered a bonus if they don’t take time off while menstruating.”
So while there’s no making America Great Again, you can at least keep Ivanka rich. That is, if the shoe fits.
Mickey Friedman’s Berkshire-based I Ching mysteries, “Danger” and “Folly”, as well as his non-fiction “A Red Family” are available on Amazon.com.
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