By Mickey Friedman
May 22, 2015
I’ve been lucky enough to have loved and been loved, in the short term at least, by a small gaggle of therapists. Of the Freudian, Jungian, Family, and Psychosynthesist persuasions, plus a Hungarian Jewish Gypsy Fortune-Teller. That counts, right?
So I know from defensiveness. I’ve been called “defensive” by them all. Remote and reluctant to share. Unable to trust. So defensive I didn’t realize I was defensive.
It took years of real therapy — sitting across from a therapist, not a lover — to see the truth: guilty as charged. I was defensive. Majorly defensive. So I now know defensive when I see it.
I’ve learned it’s quite human to confuse criticism with CRITICISM. So sensitive we focus on one of its definitions.
Mr. Webster:
“1a: the act of criticizing usually unfavorably
b: a critical observation or remark
c: critique
2: the art of evaluating or analyzing works of art or literature; also: writings expressing such evaluation or analysis …
Examples of criticism:
There was much public criticism directed at the senator.
In this job you need to be able to take criticism.
I asked my sister for some constructive criticism of my essay before I tried to revise it.
I had one minor criticism about her design.”
And we no longer appreciate the value of constructive criticism. The way our forebears did:
“To avoid criticism say nothing, do nothing, be nothing.”
― Aristotle
“He has a right to criticize, who has a heart to help.”
― Abraham Lincoln
“Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfills the same function as pain in the human body; it calls attention to the development of an unhealthy state of things. If it is heeded in time, danger may be averted; if it is suppressed, a fatal distemper may develop.”
― Winston Churchill
“People ask you for criticism, but they only want praise.”
― W. Somerset Maughm
Clearly I’ve taken the long way around to suggest there is still a case for criticism. For critical analysis and understanding. The Aristotle impulse to do something, say something, think something. Like our Finance Committee.
Sadly, only a paltry 324 of us made it to Annual Town Meeting. A legal quorum but a clear indication that our democracy is in trouble.
If you opted for dinner with your family, a second job, or the Red Sox, you missed a stark display of how constructive criticism has almost completely lost its place in town affairs.
I give you Article 15 to amend the Bylaws: “7-6.1 Financial Reports and Information: Regular and special reports and statements concerning the Town’s financial situation and operations, including its enterprise and other funds, and similar reports for the Berkshire Hills Regional School District shall be transmitted to the Finance Committee. The Committee may receive such transmissions via physical copy, email attachment or the equivalent or URL link.”
A very simple way of saying the Finance Committee needs to see the budgets and financial reports of the Town and of the School Committee. To do their jobs. Which is to make to recommendations to Town Meeting on the town budget and all warrant articles. So that you and I can better understand the financial implications of what’s being done and what’s being spent.
Well, then, the sky opened and major defensiveness descended on us all. And you would have thought the Finance Committee was suggesting that the members of the Selectboard and School Committee and Town Manager surrender their first born to be auctioned off in front of Town Hall.
A simple request to know more was seen as severe criticism of those in charge. Who told us in so many ways that the Finance Committee didn’t really need to change anything because everything is fine the way it is. The Finance Committee just doesn’t understand that they already have the documents. And if they don’t really have them, well then they can get them. In fact, everyone who wants the documents can have them.
Because this is The Most Open Small Town in America. Where just about everyone is fine with how we spend money. As transparent as the day is long. And because some people want to believe this, and only a small percentage of voters attended, the Finance Committee lost the vote. And so the way things worked here is still the way things work. And if you can’t find the documents, and don’t know how your money is spent — like the details and ramifications of the Old Firehouse deal — well, that’s your fault. Because it’s not theirs. Which is why they all voted NO. Sadly I know defensive when I see it.